Fear. Everyone is scared of something weather they want to admit it or not. Im not talking about being scared of the dark, scared of heights or scared of needles... Im talking about being scared of life.. of what life might throw at you. This is a fear you can't just avoid. Its something you have to face, because weather we like it or not, by just breathing means life is here. Its something you cant escape.. you cant hide from it. Sure you can end your life..but that would defeat the purpose of me even telling you my thoughts on it.
Growing up i remember life was this amazing thing, it still is.. but back then it was like i was just floating through it taking in everything around me..absorbing all of the beauty and laughter and smiles without a care in the world... unfortunately, i grew up.
...And when i grew up things started popping up everywhere around me like i was in the middle of a feeding frenzy with blood thirsty sharks all trying to eat me at once. If you have that outlook on life it can be kind of stressful to keep everything to yourself because you dont want to feel inadequate or stupid for feeling that way so you put on a giant smile so no one knows... maybe im just crazy but thats what i felt like. thats why i was afraid of life.
But then i met someone and he taught me, not by lecturing or him even knowing it, that life is not something to be afraid of. Its an amazing battle that you have to take head on and eventually you will conquer it. Life is the journey, its each experience or event or moment. so i am no longer questioning life, i am accepting it as it comes.
yeah i need to rethink what i am attempting to get at here... i mean it started out strong but man did i digress...
Point is, Life is a gift. You take it as it comes and hopefully you choose to make the best of it. Not for anyone around you, but for yourself.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
10 things im grateful for or have learned this year
10. I have learned that i wont get things done, or go anywhere in life unless i try or put forth effort. Its not like i learned this only this year, but i definitely understand it now. Yes, its possible to barely skate by without hardly making a dent, but that's not going to fly in the real world.
9. I am grateful for the ability to smile, even when i feel miserable, (my mother always said, "when you feel your worst, look your best.") and it works. Even if at the time i feel like people can see right through the half-ass, kill me now look i call a smile, they buy it.
8. I have learned that managing my life does not only mean being clean and on time, but also maintaining a clean room and car and budgeting my money wisely.
7. I am grateful for my large family, without them (all my brothers and sisters), i would not be able to cope with noise, deal with annoyances, be so down to earth and laid back and i wouldn't be the strong leader i am today.
6. I have learned that i need to embrace every moment, because the older i get, the faster time flys by me.
5. I am grateful for the opportunity to live in such a rich and amazing country full of freedom, choice and the option to accelerate.
4. I have learned that success is the product of discipline, focus, drive, and perseverance.
3. I am grateful for my church community, Timmy Baugh, The entire Palmer family including the Watkins, The LaGro's, All the priests, Everyone who went on the Mexico trip and tons more. Its just nice to have a group of people i can hang out with who won't do anything to jeopardize my faith or morals.
2. I have learned that i am my own narrator, nobody else is going to write my story for me, as much as i want them to have the answers to all of my questions, its not gonna happen.
1. I am grateful for my family who has taken such good care of me even though i have put them through hell. They will always be there for me, especially when i mess up (sometimes big-time).
9. I am grateful for the ability to smile, even when i feel miserable, (my mother always said, "when you feel your worst, look your best.") and it works. Even if at the time i feel like people can see right through the half-ass, kill me now look i call a smile, they buy it.
8. I have learned that managing my life does not only mean being clean and on time, but also maintaining a clean room and car and budgeting my money wisely.
7. I am grateful for my large family, without them (all my brothers and sisters), i would not be able to cope with noise, deal with annoyances, be so down to earth and laid back and i wouldn't be the strong leader i am today.
6. I have learned that i need to embrace every moment, because the older i get, the faster time flys by me.
5. I am grateful for the opportunity to live in such a rich and amazing country full of freedom, choice and the option to accelerate.
4. I have learned that success is the product of discipline, focus, drive, and perseverance.
3. I am grateful for my church community, Timmy Baugh, The entire Palmer family including the Watkins, The LaGro's, All the priests, Everyone who went on the Mexico trip and tons more. Its just nice to have a group of people i can hang out with who won't do anything to jeopardize my faith or morals.
2. I have learned that i am my own narrator, nobody else is going to write my story for me, as much as i want them to have the answers to all of my questions, its not gonna happen.
1. I am grateful for my family who has taken such good care of me even though i have put them through hell. They will always be there for me, especially when i mess up (sometimes big-time).
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Proud to be an American
There are some things about America that I would rather live without. But lets face it, I'm sure other people would gladly live without some things in my ideal country.
There is no denying that America is an amazing country with abundant amounts of opportunity, education, and choice. Just the idea that i am free....to worship as i please, to talk and write and do whatever i want. That is pretty astronomical right there, i can be whatever i want. I can make my dreams realities. I can live where i want, and work where i want. WOW. i mean, WOW! Look at pretty much every other country. I was told that if a person makes at least $20,000 a year they are in the top 2% of the worlds wealthiest people. Its almost disgusting. But we are so blessed. Even when there isn't enough money for the name brand foods I'm ust to, but we still have just enough to cover groceries for the month even if we have to buy the no brand name mayo instead of best foods, or generic single-ply toilet paper instead of Charman Ultra double quilted extra soft toilet paper, we still eat and live really GOOD. I don't feel like a horrible person because of it, it just helps me remember how blessed we are.
I am proud to be an American because i have the choice to go to college and get a really good paying job, be a stay at home mom, or go to college, get a good job and be a stay at home mom. I have so many options. Sometimes there are so many that its almost overwhelming. I can practice my faith without being persecuted. I can write whatever i want on this blog. I can be a Senator, Governor, or even President if i put my mind to it. There are so many possibilities and opportunities. America is all around a great place to live. Even if we still should get rid of a few things *cough..abortion (definition: the slaughtering of millions of innocent children and destruction of women's bodies and minds)
God Bless the USA.
There is no denying that America is an amazing country with abundant amounts of opportunity, education, and choice. Just the idea that i am free....to worship as i please, to talk and write and do whatever i want. That is pretty astronomical right there, i can be whatever i want. I can make my dreams realities. I can live where i want, and work where i want. WOW. i mean, WOW! Look at pretty much every other country. I was told that if a person makes at least $20,000 a year they are in the top 2% of the worlds wealthiest people. Its almost disgusting. But we are so blessed. Even when there isn't enough money for the name brand foods I'm ust to, but we still have just enough to cover groceries for the month even if we have to buy the no brand name mayo instead of best foods, or generic single-ply toilet paper instead of Charman Ultra double quilted extra soft toilet paper, we still eat and live really GOOD. I don't feel like a horrible person because of it, it just helps me remember how blessed we are.
I am proud to be an American because i have the choice to go to college and get a really good paying job, be a stay at home mom, or go to college, get a good job and be a stay at home mom. I have so many options. Sometimes there are so many that its almost overwhelming. I can practice my faith without being persecuted. I can write whatever i want on this blog. I can be a Senator, Governor, or even President if i put my mind to it. There are so many possibilities and opportunities. America is all around a great place to live. Even if we still should get rid of a few things *cough..abortion (definition: the slaughtering of millions of innocent children and destruction of women's bodies and minds)
God Bless the USA.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Camping... Drewsen Style!
When my family goes camping, we go all out. We get as far away from civilization as we can. That means no bathrooms, no cell reception, and the only running water is the creek... We love it though. It's way more fun than any other vacation. Who would want to drive on a crowded highway to a musky city where you get to spend lots of money on mediocre meals, souvenirs and high priced gas! 
Not to mention all the people running around trying to live their lives faster than burger king. I don't know about you, but fresh air, calm forests and slowing down really gets the edge off. So what if we get a little dirty and don't have to brush my hair. Its not the end of the world, not just yet... Our family's favorite spots, we make ourselves. This last trip we went up to the Trinity Alps, near where my Papa was raised. We drove around in the brush looking at remnants of what used to be. 
My Papa explained how when he was about 12 years old, he put a horse shoe around a young tree and 60 years later when we got there and looked at it, it was still there! The tree had grown around it. It was a sight. We also got the opportunity to see an old 1930 Caterpillar, which we took off the radiator to put in our yard as decor (i know that sounds dumb, but it will tie in quite well)
Mistakes, Mistakes, Mistakes...
It seems like every time the rest of my life starts to go right, everything else wants to go wrong. This has always baffled me and taken hold of me until i don't know anything else to do except just give up. I know this is not the way I am supposed to live my life. Although giving up has many downsides, at the time of committing to give up, it sounds easy. Unfortunately, the repercussions of my decisions catch up to me and cause more pain which starts the cycle all over again...only this time it feels worse than it did before because I know what I am getting myself into when i choose to give up. Another thing is when one person forgives and forgets and another person (involved or not) keeps bringing it all back up just leads to the person who already forgot to just get madder and madder.
quote of the day
Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna get. -favorite movie of all time....Forest Gump
Sunday, June 15, 2008
True Blue Heeler
Daisy is my baby. She is my friend. She is a little over a year old and I couldn't ask for anything more in a dog. She follows me around, listens when I call, and wont hesitate to rip off your arm if you get to close. She is a crack up. I guess there is not much I could say about a dog, even if she is my pride and joy...but SHE can keep me going even when I want to quit, SHE loves me unconditionally even when she gets in trouble, and SHE is the best listener when i need to whine about nothing just to feel better...
Hats off to Daisy
School...
Since the moment I got in, I wanted out. Yes, there were good times and in general it wasn't as bad as I remember. Nevertheless, I wanted out.
I know I shouldn't regret the things I did or the choices I made, but its so hard not to when I'm finally done, and for the first time realize how I was holding myself back and depriving myself from gaining the education I had the opportunity to obtain. Yes I worked hard, paid attention in class at least half the time, and did a fair amount of homework, but i made the conscious decision not to try or put effort into learning.
I am very greatful for my parents and all that they have done for me, and continue to do for me. My mother is AMAZING. She has been married to my father a hard working, back breaking carpenter for 20 years and counting. They have 7 KIDS, I am the proud, unfortunate, and stubborn oldest. I am 18 years old, have the best boy friend in the world, and...I just graduated.
My mom home schooled me up until 4th and 5th grade when she had her fifth child, Claire 2 months early. After Claire began to grow and didn't require the amount of stressful attention and caring for, we went back to homeschooling....Until high school.
I, being the strong courageous leader that I was took a giant leap into a first year charter school. Being the oldest in my family and the oldest at my school added to the confusion of growing and developing "like everyone else" I never knew what it was like to be below someone, I have always been the "top dog" or "big kid" of any group I associated with. My 3 1/2 years there were memorable and joyous, I loved my teachers, adored my friends and got by with low, low C's...
Moral of the story, I wish I would have tried harder while I had the chance. The only thing I can do now is try harder the next time and remember what I lost...
Since the moment I got in, I wanted out. Yes, there were good times and in general it wasn't as bad as I remember. Nevertheless, I wanted out.
I know I shouldn't regret the things I did or the choices I made, but its so hard not to when I'm finally done, and for the first time realize how I was holding myself back and depriving myself from gaining the education I had the opportunity to obtain. Yes I worked hard, paid attention in class at least half the time, and did a fair amount of homework, but i made the conscious decision not to try or put effort into learning.
I am very greatful for my parents and all that they have done for me, and continue to do for me. My mother is AMAZING. She has been married to my father a hard working, back breaking carpenter for 20 years and counting. They have 7 KIDS, I am the proud, unfortunate, and stubborn oldest. I am 18 years old, have the best boy friend in the world, and...I just graduated.
My mom home schooled me up until 4th and 5th grade when she had her fifth child, Claire 2 months early. After Claire began to grow and didn't require the amount of stressful attention and caring for, we went back to homeschooling....Until high school.
I, being the strong courageous leader that I was took a giant leap into a first year charter school. Being the oldest in my family and the oldest at my school added to the confusion of growing and developing "like everyone else" I never knew what it was like to be below someone, I have always been the "top dog" or "big kid" of any group I associated with. My 3 1/2 years there were memorable and joyous, I loved my teachers, adored my friends and got by with low, low C's...
Moral of the story, I wish I would have tried harder while I had the chance. The only thing I can do now is try harder the next time and remember what I lost...
Monday, September 3, 2007
SonsOfDay
the thirsting and sons of day stayed at my house and we had a good time. they are pretty cool bands. very nice too. My boy friend Joe and I are looking forward to promoting another concert here in redding, only bigger, way bigger. So wish us luck and Come support our Mexico Mission Trip....
THANKS EVERYONE!
Saturday, July 21, 2007
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